Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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