my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
