New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
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