Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
