I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
