I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
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I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
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