we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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