I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
