My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
