You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
