I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Randomize
