I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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