If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
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