wanna go halves on a baby?
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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