Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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