i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Pooping to opera.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
