the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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