I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
