I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
