His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
