good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
