Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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