My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
