Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
