genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
you will always have a special place in my vag
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
