she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
