Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
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There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
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Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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