WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
