You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
