sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
