I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Randomize
