We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
