lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
