i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
