so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
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Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
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The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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