considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
