If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
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