i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
