At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
honey bunches of taint.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
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