Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Randomize
