I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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