So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Sober January is a disaster.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Randomize
