Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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