They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
