I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
