o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
OPIZZABONMYDICK
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
