is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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