so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
