ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
The Olympian is in my bed
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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