I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
