Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
