Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
