New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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