she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
