SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
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