you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
