i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
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