some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
