so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
