PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
