actually, I'm a sock model
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
