Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
You can't special order awesome
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
