I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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