Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
