my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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