She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
