I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Randomize
