She is in my trunk
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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