I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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