Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
