well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
wow bdsm is so cute
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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