Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
