I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
