xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
