got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
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