I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
