Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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