I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I think I just shit out all my problems.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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