i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
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