So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
we should paint friendship bongs
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
