; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
