"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
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