I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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