You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
