you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
