Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
